just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
