My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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