i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
