Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize