you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need to calm my uterus...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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