Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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