i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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