I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
