We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
