Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
