You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
