Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
