Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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