I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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