sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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