I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
