I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
