So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
