goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
