What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize