the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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