He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
