i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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