she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
