opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
