Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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