omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
