3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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