...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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