If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
