she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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