I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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