Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I want is dick and wine.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
