I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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