Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He has the fingertips of a God
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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