I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
