last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
