just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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