Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
