i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
