Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
