You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
