It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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