I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
