yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
