He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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