you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize