he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
