I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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