he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
