i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
