Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
