just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
