every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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