this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
