Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
