Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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