I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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