so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
