dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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