So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
