am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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