Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize