i don't like sucking hair
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
