You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
