i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
