im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
