obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
