is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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