left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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