He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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